Bellybuttonless Blogs

     Ever heard of a ninja called Sasori? Yeah, I hid under one of his puppet last Holloween, but here’s the fun part, his own body is also a puppet. Isn’t it cool? He’s made of wood and he cant feel any pain or emotion. After knowing about him, I was so inspired, I made a ghost story out of him.

     Last month I went camping with a few friends, since my show got cancelled and I have nothing better to do. I mostly did all the work and they ate all the food. When I say, “Hey, I need a hand with this thing” they’d only say, “Ask someone else!”

     I get pissed in these kind of things real easily, so I thought of something to get back at them and decided to prank on these lazy bums. After I made the fire, we roasted some marshmellows and had a chat. “You know Matt, I heared a rumor about you masturbating in the tent with some porn magazines, all naked men in it, last summer” said Madisson. “Whatever…” I replied. Davies choked on his drink and said, “Can we talk about something less gross, something like a ghost story?”. Then it hit me, I can scare this people to death after all the unappreciated work I did for them. They invited me to go camping with them and they treat me like the way they treated me when we were kids. I only wanted a lilttle respect, but not the way my fans respect me. Is that too much to ask? “Ai! Maybe MJ here can go first!” suggested Garreth while sipping on his home-made tea from Britain. “Not a chance, Garreth. Matt can’t tell us a ghost story even if his life depend on it. He’s more of a fun guy than the creepy story teller. He’s more on jokes and fooling around.” Explained Madisson. “Oh! Butterbiscuits! Now what d’we do now?” said Garreth. “On the contrary, Madisson, I may be the funny guy, but that doesnt stop me from being serious and unleashing my unrelenting terror…” “Alright! Tell us one already!” Interupted Madisson. I went in my tent and get something in my bag then went back at them flashing a light on my face to make them feel eerie. “That light wont help you, Matt. You’re still cute and I’m not afraid of cute.” Teased Davies.

     It all started way back on 18th century. There lived a very handsome taylor, who was the best in the whole state of Arizona. He specializes in making wedding gowns. Every woman in their village is inlove with that man. His name was Matthew - “Oh great! Now YOU’RE the ghost story!” Shut up and let me finish! He wasnt interested with the woman who are all falling for him since he was still looking for a very special woman. One day, a very strange looking stage coach arrived in the village. It was owned by a very rich and powerful woman. She was the daughter of a governor and landlord in the state. She decided to settle in that village to have an independent life on her own. Her name was Elizabeth. “Swan?” No! Just Elizabeth. One day, Matthew and Elizabeth met on a tavern and they both fell inlove. They were both perfect and everyone was talking about them. The news spread very fast and it reached the Governor. He was so unhappy about it. He didnt raised her daughter just to marry a common peasant! He paid a murderer for hire a large sum of money just to take Matthew out. The next morning, Matthew was found dead in his shop. Elizabeth was crying and suspected his dad had something to do with it. Before Matthew was burried, Elizabeth went to the heart of the forest and consulted a witch who lives in there. The witch offer her a choice, give her a potion that would make her fall out of love from Matthew, or bring him back to life. She decided to bring him back to life since she misses her so much. The witch ordered her to take a glass full of blood from Matthew’s body and a “vessel” to which to put Matthew’s ressurected spirit. She did what she was asked and brought forth his blood and a manequin from Matthew’s shop. The witch drew some wierd runes to the manequin’s entire body and chanted the incantation, “With this blood of the fallen, I call his soul to rise again. Use this new vessel and strife, let this give you new life!!!” A few seconds later, the manequin rose and walked to Elizabeth who is now happy. Matthew asked what was wrong with him. He was not breathing but he’s alive. He cant feel his heart beat and he cant feel what he used to feel over Elizabeth. The witch explaind it all to him. Mathew was so shocked, he went wild and accidentally pushed Elizabeth to the fireplace where she was burned alive. The witch was laughing and Matthew didnt felt any remorse and sadness on Elizabeth’s death or even vengence to Elizabeth’s father. He ran off back to his shop and he feels no craving to sew dresses which was his favorite thing to do. He was lost inside. All he ever felt inside was the shock of being an unfeeling puppet. That night, a man saw him and got frightened of his look. Matthew realized the only way to look normal is to kill the one who saw his true figure and cut off his skin and use it as his own. Matthew’s new goal was to feel again! If he places someone’s heart to his wooden chest, maybe he can feel his heart beat. And if he cut someone’s tongue, maybe he can taste again. But it was no use. He killed alot of people for a couple of century, but all it did was to keep him alive. Everytime a part of him rots, he replaces it with someone else’s. But he still believes that there’s a special someone out there who has the body parts that would make him feel alive again. Just like what he felt about Elizabeth… Then one day, I met Matthew himself in a dark alley, he said he want my body because I’m hot, cute, and -

     “Wait just a darn minute. You’re telling me that he is real and you met that guy? Is this some kind of a sick prank?!” Davies interupted. “He’s real guys, really.” I said calmly. “Yeah right, we believe you!” said Madisson sarcastically. “Well, if the bloke is indeed real, er-, How d’you knew his story and get here to tell us all about it in one piece and the fuss and all?” Garreth asked. Everyone was curious then I said, “Who said I got away?” very seriously. They all burst in laughter and even Madisson cried a bit, while I just smiled. “Hey, Garreth. Pass me a cola will you?” I asked and Garreth took one from the ice box and threw it to me. When I catched the it, everyone was shocked to see the cola knocked my hand off my wrist and fell on the ground… While they were staring at it, I began to laugh maniacly. “Hey guys, I need a hand.” I said in a wierd tone. “Aaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” The boys screamed like crazy and ran away while Madisson fainted. Oopps! I forgot she had a weak heart.

     They didnt knew I put on the lucky manequin’s hand Crazy Ruben gave me while I was getting my flashlight in my tent. I was the scariest and funniest prank I ever did on my childhood friends. Scaredy Cats! Hahaha. And that night, I had 2 choices when I was alone… What to bring into my tent? Madisson? or Garreth’s porn magazine he left behind?

Guess what I had chosen!

Nov. 1, 2008

Hollow’s eve

Back at home, hollowen’s been going swell until I decided to go visit an old friend and playmate at her house. Usually people would smother me with autograph signings but not this time, coz I’m back home and I’m a nobody back here. Besides, I’m under a hooded jacket pretending to be a stranger in the dark. Arriving at her house, I usually go through the window coz her mom hates me.

MJ: Hey guys, how yah doing?

Madisson: Matt? What are you doing here? How are you? It’s been a long time…

Hillary: Yeah but you still look like a wimp after all these years. You just got famous - yeah, a famous wimp.

MJ: (Taking him for granted) Yeah, glad to see you too. What are you guys dress up for? You still go trick or treating? You’re all grown up for Pete’s sake!

Madisson: No, it’s for the annual costume party. This year’s theme is cosplay. How do I look?

Madisson looks like this

MJ: (Stuned) Uhh… Err - You look nice… I think.

Hillary: And clearly, you cant come. Coz you aint got no costume.

MJ: That’s ok. I dont want to go with a guy with gills on his cheeks.

Hillary didnt used prostetics... It

Hillary: Why you ingrate! (Swinging his big sword at me)

Madisson: Easy! Let it go Kisame. Kyle’s too good for you.

Hillary: And who are you suppose to be? Kyle XY?

MJ: Like I said, I’m not comming.

Madisson: Matt, Joel has no partner tonight coz his classmate is sick. Wont you be his partner?

MJ: I’m not interested. Besides, I might get sued for stealing the show at the party. Everyone might die just to get an autograph of me.

Hillary: For once, you’re right! Dont ruin my time to shine, Matt.

Madisson: Matt, the prize for the best costume is $500, free subscription to a local Book club, and some books.

MJ: I’m not interested, ok.

Madisson: Did I mentioned one of the books is an old fashion dessert recipes?

MJ: Ok, I’m in! (Drooling)

Suddenlly, a guy with a telescope o his left eye with the same clothes as Madisson and Hillary went inside the house with a big round igloo like thing with the head.

He

Madisson: Shut up! (Grabbing Joel) Look, if those other Akatsukis outside know We know Matt, they’ll make my private life miserable! And if they do that, I’ll make your life miserable! Copish? (Clentching her fist)

Joel: Copi-… Copi-… Copi-… (Gulp) Yes.

Madisson: Ok, Joel, Matt here is going to be your partner, so make sure those clay animals of yours wont explode in his face.

Joel: Ahahahahaaaaaaa… (Almost fainting with joy)

MJ: By the way, where’s my costume?

Joel: Here Matt… (Lending the igloo costume)

MJ: What’s this?!

Hillary: That there the’ng is Hiruko, Sasori’s puppet. He rides inside his puppet to avoid damaging that cow poke’s real body. And a respected member of the Akatsuki.

MJ: What’s Akatsuki anyway? And is there more of them outside?

Madisson: It means “Dawn” or daybreak. They’re a bunch of criminals in Naruto Shipooden who wants to take control of Bizhus. And my friends and classmates are immitating them.

MJ: What’s Bizhus?

Madisson: Just put it on already! We’re almost late. Let’s go! Hustle up!

 So I put on the igloo thingy and I realized it’s just a big basket covered by a black cloak with red clouds printed all over them. I thought this Holloween would be my time to relax, but I’m too determined to a certain goal. I find it hard to crawl under that puppet, but it’s the perfect disguise to hide my true identity to unsuspecting might-be-fans of mine. “Hats on and march” said Madisson and we all walked (Except me coz I crawled) to the location of the party which I didnt know coz I cant see a thing while I’m inside that igloo. Thankfully, Joel told me there’s a periscope inside my costume that connects to the eyes of the mask outside.

Mine didnt had a tail

As I looked around, I noticed there were about a dozen of us. One had venus fly traps on his shoulder, another has a spiral mask with a hole in the right eye, and the other one has red eyes. Wearing the cloak of dawn makes me feel special and at the same time, dangerous. We walked in to the party while the venus fly trap guy played a tune that sounded like a priest singing in grief. Joel said it was the music of the Akatsuki when they appear on TV. The host announced our arrival and gave nice comments even my igloo costume.

Bad and proud like the Mafia

Going in in twos with our partners, we gave the crowd an aura of boast and excitement. I saw a group dressed as X-men and they were last year’s winners. It seems like there will be a tough competition tonight.

Stop hogging the punch and give me some! said Madisson to the venus fly trap plant guy.

Oh, spare me!

I was just sitting in the corner when the guy from our group carrying a three red blades forming like a giant comb asked me, Arent you sick and supposed to be at home, Carl? I panicked and I didnt know what to do.

That’s not Carl. That’s Madisson’s friend.

I see, glad to meet you Mr. er, what’s your name?

Just call me MJ.

Wont you come out and shake my hand?

He cant! He has a bad skin condition and he’ll contaminate you! Now go along pal, rip someone’s head off or something.

I was saved and thanks to Joel, he didnt peeked under the cloak. After that the party was pretty boring. Madisson brings food sliding it under my cloak and rolling in canned drinks. A witch tripped over the banana peal I threw and some drunk guy who looked like Robert Pattinson from the movie Twilight only fatter coz of his lousy vampire costume mistaken me as a trash bin. And to make the evening worse, the MC annouced that the winner of the cosplay contest is Hiruko, so he wants me to come out of the puppet and received my prize. “Please come out and receive your prize” he said. I walked up the stage and received the prize. “C’mon, please come out” the MC said again. “I dont want to come out coz I have stage fright so please understand” I said in a deep voice that later Madisson said similar to Hiruko’s. I convinced the MC and got off clean. After the party, we split up the prizes, I got the cook book and they got the loot. I realized it was the best holloween I had after being an actor. 

One thing I learned from that expirience is that no matter what you look on the outside, people will insist on seeing who you are in the inside. Happy Holloween everyone.

10akatsuki_-_naruto_ostmp3-codescom

     I like eatting sweets and savoury dishes. What do you like to eat? You know, a friend of mine had problems with his weight and even I could notice his figure’s getting alot like Jaba the Hutt. He asked me what was my secret in keeping my figure fit and my abs rock hard. I told him about eatting less. But what he doesnt know that I’m like Shaggy in the Scooby Doo series, like him, I have slow metabolism, meaning, I dont get fat even though I eat tons of sweets. And where does the fat go? Probably down the toilet with the other nutrients my body forgot to absorb. If you’re having diet troubles like my friend Jaba, here’s a tip I call, The Dallas Diet:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 slices bread, 1 mug coffee, and an apple or banana.

Lunch: 5 pounds chicken breast, a small bowl of corn soup, a can of cola, and an oreo cookie.

Mid afternoon snack: The rest of the pack of oreo cookies, 2 pints of ice cream, 1 jug of chocolate fudge, and a big pie or cheesecake.

Dinner: 2 Large well done T-bone steaks, 1 big bowl of salad, 1 grilled Sea Bass, a pitcher of beer, the rest of the loaf of bread from your breakfast, and a big cake for dessert.

If you’re wondering why every meal, the food gets bigger in quantity, is that to prevent you from getting weakend from the lesser meal you had before. The dinner plan is usually packed loaded to let you remain full so you can eat less breakfast for the next day and the cycle of diet goes again!

Here are more tips to go with the meal plan:

1. The calories of the food you eat doesnt count when no one’s watching.

2. When eatting with someone thinner, eat the amount he/she eats! To make people think you’re going his/her size.

3. Make other people around you fatter so you’d look thinner!

4. If you drink a sugar-free drink and a soda, they’d cancel each other’s sugar contents.

5. Calories of medicinal foods NEVER counts! So eat all you want, it’s for your health anyway.

6. The most effective weigth loss action is doing your “Happy Time”. Science says, that if you ejaculate all your reproductive fluids your body makes daily, the next batch your body will ejaculate is your fats. So do it as often as you can.

There, I hope I helped you all weight watchers out there. I must admit, I am not a certified doctor or nutritionist, but the initials of my name MD can be used professionally!

Kissing is a habbit, sex is just a game,

guys get the pleasure, girls get the pain.

The guy says I love you, the girl believes it’s true

but when the girl’s tummy starts to swell,

the boy just says: "Who the hell are you?!"

It takes 1 hour of pleasure, 9 months of pain,

and 2 days in the hospital to make a baby with no name.

The baby grows into a bastard because his mom

is a whore.

This crazy thing wouldnt have happend,

if the condom was put on!

*Moral lesson: Cover up during your activity time with your special someone.

      Fishing is considered to be a sport. Some also consider it as a nice past time. For me, it’s a real pain specialy if you’re not patient, or you got caught by the fishing hook and wont get off your skin. If you’re a beginner in fishing, here’s a tip: "Dont buy any mysterious fishing equipment from a mysterious garrage sale dude" trust me on this one.

      Many summers ago, when I planned to go fishing to a nearest river or lake, I stumbled upon a humble garage sale. It was filled with wierd stuff, but there was some rare stuff too. At the very center was a very mysterious looking fishing rod complete with a reel and line. What made it so mysterious was it’s little monitor at it’s handle. "Like it kid?" Asked the owner of the fishing rod. "What kind of fishing thingy is that anyway?" I asked. "It’s a very special rod that I invented" The rod looked very old and covered with duck tape, glue, and a couple of welding marks. The guy didnt really invented the fishing rod, he more like merged some pieces of trash for decoration and made it look more of an antique than a junk. He said it can catch any fish you’d like even the Lochness Monster. For a second, it looked like a fake to me, but he turned it on and it sounded very real to my ears. It made beeping sounds and showed blips on the screen. "In this lil’ console here, you can see the fish that would be swimming near the bait, once you have chosen the fish you wanna catch, just push the red button and that fish is as good as caught. If you really suck in fishin’, just push the black button marked with a skull." Guess what? I definitely bought that promising piece of junk, I mean antique. And I cant belive it that he sold it for only $25!

      The night before my big fishing trip, I prepared my clothes, lunch, and some bait for tommorrow. I put the fishing rod on the bedside table so I wont forget about it.

      The river was full of of fish that you could see it jumping against the current. They were like teasing me and asking me to catch them. I lost no time and took out my brand new rod. I made a hard swing and the bait went flying off towards the middle of the river. I could see in the screen of the rod’s console that there were dozens of fish under the river. Not a single one of them tried to get near the bait, as if I have to push a button to make the fish bite the bait. So, I did pushed a button, but I mistakenly pushed the one with a skull on it. After a few seconds, "Hey idiot, push the red one if you wanna catch some fish" Said a voice. I was so surprised and then I realized, it was the rod who’s talking to me. "How come you talk?" I asked. "I’m programed to do that. I’m the FISHYNATOR 3000. And I help pinheads like you to catch fish" it replied. I would have been really happy to own such equipment with artificial intelligence if it only didnt insult me like I have no brains and have to fish brains for a living. "Could you cut the insulting remarks and just help me fish?" I said. It replied, "What do you expect for $25?" I guess I have to live with that and it had a point. Cheap tools always have it’s disadvantages.

     "What kind of fish do you like to catch anyway?" It asked. I thought a nice big trout would be a nice fish to catch. But the ideal fish that I want for my "The First Fish That I Caught" trophy is a Gigantic Blue Marlin! I asked the Fishynator to catch me one but replied, "You knucklehead! Do you think you’d catch one out here in the river? Marlins live in the ocean, you moron!" Angered, I threw Fishynator aside and said, "I told you, cut the insults! For an advance piece of junk, your servos are way out of date that you cant understand a simple command!" No wonder it had a button with a skull in it, if i knew this would happen, I would’ve been cautious in pressing it’s buttons. "Hey, you wanna catch some fish or what? You know you need me!" It said proud with glowing screens. "You’re sooo good at this arent you? Well guess what? Just because I dunno how to make you stop talking doesnt mean I dunno how to take your batteries off!" I grabed Fishynator with strong grip and it wriggled with all it’s might. "You think you’d win just because you have hands…" it said, but suddenlly I noticed it had no place to put batterires in this junk! "How the hell d’you talk without batteries?" I asked nervously. "Do you think a masterpeice like me is run just by batteries? Mwahahahaha! I have a nuclear power core, idiot!" it replied. Darn! I could have been affected by Gamma Radiation or something. In fear, I threw Fishynator at the center of the river where I hope it would sink, but didnt. "I’m bouyant and water proof, what makes you think I’m not invented that way, snot breath?" It explained. He’s one annoying gadget, but good riddance, he’s floating downstream anyway… "Yeah, but you’re flowing down away from me! Haha! Get lost at sea!" I said. Then I regret what I said when I saw it morphing out it’s propellers driving upstream like a boat. "I’m not that easy to dispose, dumb-dumb. The way I sea it, you’re the one who needs to be disposed…" It said deploying  a big canon aiming right at me. I ran away as far as posible but it was too late. Fishynator blasted a ray of hyperbeam right at me and I was knocked off the ground dead before I could hit the ground. Bloody masses scattered all over the river-side, pieces of my ribs that explode off my chest where the beam hit was very visible, it even create a hole through me.

     Seconds later, there was a man walking, kicking off pieces of what was left of me, came to Fishinator picking it up. "Hehehe! Another sucker fell down. C’mon Fishynator, I’ll sell you again, this time, kill the buyer quicker than this one, ok? It was the dude who sold me Fishynator. He walked away with the rod laughing and planning who to sell the rod next.

     Back where I fell dead, a vulture landed beside my caracas and started pecking on the hole on my chest… It felt, OUCH! Sebastian! He jumped on my chest. Whoa! I was sleeping… It was just a nightmare! Whew! Time to feed Sebastian, and his claws are sharper than before. He’s more of a cat than a dog with those claws.

     That afternoon, I went back to the garage sale and demanded a refund. "I dont want this crap anymore! I want my money back!" I shouted. "Sorry kid, I already bought your money for some groceries" He explained. "Not my problem!!!" I said holding the fishing rod like a bat as if getting ready to hit his head. If there’s anything that’s going to kill me, it would deffinitely not be a fishing rod! I chased the man inside his house until he’d give me back my money. That was the last time I heared of him. They say he got terrified that he never sold any of his bellongings to a teenage kid that looks like a punk. Do I look like a punk?

     A month after that dream… "Hey, Matt. Wanna go fishing?" Jean-Luc asked. Everything went dark and when I got back to my consciousness again, Jean-Luc was hiding behind April from me. Everyone in the set of Kyle XY was looking at me. I guess he should have never said that.

     If you wanna know someone’s true color, one way of knowing that person is to see what kind of present he/she is giving you. You know guys, GIFTS DONT LIE. If someone gives you a watch for your birthday, you can hear that gift saying, “Tic Tac Tic Tac” of course you dont know what that means, do you? The gift says, “Hey, pal, your friend wants you dead, but he forgot to put a bomb with me.” As the Chinese believes, he who gives you a clock or a watch as a present wishes you a shorter life. 

     Recently, I received a big leather belt with a big belt buckle with an arrow pointing down with letters engraved, “Drink Your Milk Here”. Obviously the gift is saying, “Get down and dirty and show it to the ladies!” Man! I’m so not wearing you! Imagine, tons of people staring at my belt, then slowly staring down bellow the belt thinking of something. The sender should have given me chocolates or something sweet and I could have appreciated that.

     During my younger years, I’d expect some nice gifts during Christmas. But then, my aunts and uncles gives me cheap gifts and of course, that makes them a total cheapscape. What would you expect inside a box with a label Nintendo on it? Then I opened it and to my surprise, a knitted sweater is inside the box. “This is nice”, I said, “Now, where’s the Nintendo?” Of course, me at that age dont know how to appreciate the love and the hard work my aunt put up with that knitted sweater just for me.

     I had a weird neighbor who’s in so much in motocrossing. His friend gave his ride an upgrade for his birthday. Unfortunately, when my neighbor tested his new ride, he has to run over several mail boxes, a couple of garden gnomes, and over a car before he realizes his friend disabled the brakes in order to put the engine upgrade of his motor. It was a matter of time when he totally stopped by putting the engine to neutral before he’d hit something hard enough to hurt him. My neighbor believed his friend was clumsy, and he proved it when he tested the gift he received.

Hips Dont Lie

      "Sync" - an act of moving together as one. Synchronizing. To occur or exist at the same time. To execute at the same rate, simultaneously, or following the other.

      Do you know that synchronization is very important for each and every group, company, gang, troop, army, ect. in the world? Like me in my fight scenes with Foss or Jessie, I’m not really a sync-king person due to the fact that no normal human can suddenlly know what to do when told to. It needs rehersals and practice before they film it. Ants can even synchronize, so why cant we? If you know nothing about sync then you’re like one of the Generals that waged war and sent his troops to the wrong place and the wrong time, resulting the 2 opposing troops never met and there would be no war at all. "Whew! That was a close one", a soldier would say. But we Homo Sapiens are so good in sync-king that we had made a couple of World Wars, Civil Wars, Guerilla Wars, and Star Wars possible… Not to mention Global WARming. A war we waged againts mother nature.

      I had some friends who were seriously out of sync too. I cant mention them coz they’ll tear me limb from limb if I do coz that’ll embarass them. We used to hang out on the streets and ride our bikes to go places when we were in junior high. For many years, we didnt realized that we were seriously out of sync. The most extreme case of confusion occurs mostly on agreeing on meeting places for the next gig. The first bit of out-of-syncness resulted on our four-mile biking on the meeting place. One of the reasons of being out of sync is when they gave me a complicated set of directions as to the time and place of rendevous. "We’ll meet you at the brown gas station two miles past the grocery store at three o’clock then we could all watch a movie together ok?", they said. Then when I get past the grocery store at the corner, I didnt know where to turn, left or right? I tried bought and both streets are filled with gas stations! At least they could have told me the name of it. But it was useless coz some of the signs were smudged by street gangs or faded by time, so they could have told me the name anyway coz they cant read the darn signs. Besides, that cloudy day prevented me to determine what color those gas stations are, brown can be mixed up with maroon, navy blue, or gray when darkend. I thought of riding next to the wall of the station lighting a match to determine it’s real color coz it was getting dark. But then again, the owner could get out of the station anytime with a shotgun assuming I was going to blow up his gas station. I would tell him, "Just checking the color of your gas station…" Then he’d just raise a brow and shoot me or call his dog out to chase me away. I dont even wanna try to do that.

      Meanwhile, my friends are waiting on any other brown gas station bored to death or probably having a good chat, when they decide to move and find me coz they might have thought I could be around mistakenly waiting to another gas station. At the same time, I was moving around to find them too and all this time, we we’re just circling around the streets never meeting, even though they all split up. Then we all got tired of moving around, we decided to go to the movies. Unfortunately, they got there first and when I got there, I assumed they went to the boy’s room or something. By then, I got hungry and decided to have a snack for a while and left them a note clipped at the brakes of one of their bikes saying I’ll be at the nearest cafe eatting. By the time I’m done eatting, they all read my note, crumpled it and droped it on the ground, and they went to find the cafe I’m in. When they took a peek on the window, they’ve notice I’m not in the cafe and assumed I went back at the movies while I’m inside the cafe’s bathroom washing my hands. I waited for a while at the cafe, but there’s no sign of my friends so I went back to the movies. Before I got there, they all decided to go inside the movie theater and wait for me there. When they’re all inside, I got at the parking lot where our bikes are and looked if they read my note. I’ve seen it all crumpled on the ground. I heated up and got angry. I assumed they all ignored my note and just went in to watch the movie without me! I said to myself, "I now realize that they didnt just sent me on a wild goose chase for a mythical brown gas station, and watch the movie without me, they also had great leghts of avoiding me!" I thought that they were doing something that they dont want me to know coz they’re afraid that I’d tattle on their moms, ha! What kind of person do they think I am? I said to myself, "Just wait, you guys! Just wait until your moms hear what kind of high jinks you’re all up to!" After that, I stepped into the theater and watched all by myself, not thinking about finding where my friends are sitting.

      After that misadventure, we all realized we were all out of sync. But one thing I surely know, we all know how to synchronize on not synchronizing… Hahaha! Forget the gas station guys! Just meet me at my house.

I wrote this when I was in gradeshcool. It was pretty hilarious and I got an A+ from it. I hope I can still remember it. Ok, here it goes:

What are Grandmas?

Grandmothers are very old ladies who has no little children of their own, so they have to go and take care of other people’s children. They are usually fat and their skin is very wrinkly like mom’s laundry that havent been ironed yet. Most of them dont have real teeth, I can tell because mine just took her’s off and put it in a glass, they do that to keep their teeth moist and soggy so that they dont have to drink any water in the morning. They dont usually do any heavy job because their bones snap and cracks when they lift something heavy, and you can acctually here it go SNAP! Sometimes when you’re all alone, they give you piggy back rides and read you stories and dont mind if it was the same story that they already read for you. They’re not too smart and can only answer stuff like why dogs and cats fight and how come God isnt married. They are very kind because they give you 25c just to make you shut up or go somewhere else when they are doing something. Sometimes if you like to perform in theaters, they make you wear a duck suit and tell you you’re the most adorable ugly duckling ever. Grandmas loves kissing you because they think you’re sweet and might be made out of candy. Unlike your parents, they let you eat candy before dinner but they dont let you play on high trees, fast bikes and other stuff that they think that’s dangerous for kids. Every Christmas, they bake you cookies and give you gifts like cool toys and not ties and socks that your parents would give you. And the most usefull thing they are for is that you can always run to them when your mom or dad is going to spank you, grandmas protect you from them and would get mad to people who wants to hurt you and turn uglier and wrinklier when they do.

Thanks for reading! I hope your grandma has it’s use too!